SET AN EXAMPLE
I have been thinking about the terrible example we set when phones are constantly used, often giving them a higher priority than human interaction. I was moved by 7-year-old Molly Wright’s TED talk, “How every child can thrive by 5,” when she showed that young children seek connection and that our use of technology can interfere with that human connection, to their detriment. This point is also made humorously in a slightly dated video from 2012, “I just texted to say I love you.”
This extends to all forms of screen addictions, with students and adults glued to their phones, while others are on other screens, and very young children are parked in front of TVs! Screens are the new babysitters, substituting for human interaction. Children talk on their “phones” because that is what we do.
Much has been written about children imitating adults in all cultures. We know this is how they learn. Children often copy their parents and teachers and look up to them as main role models. A positive example is the decline in cigarette use, because the habit is not being modeled as desirable. Imagine how good manners and positive human interaction would increase if we modeled these as educators!
There is never an excuse for setting a bad example — ever! This covers much more than phones: bad table manners, bad driving habits, the list goes on. A parent’s (and educator’s) job is to teach children well — the title of at least one song and book! And we don’t want to focus on the negative, because positive behavior models are wonderful. There are never too many examples of good manners, good listening skills, honest and ethical behavior, et cetera.
Besides being rude, excessive phone use can lead to health problems affecting the eyes, neck and posture, as well as cause general inactivity or lack of exercise, and social and emotional problems. Many students who spend much time on screens don’t do as well in school. More and more schools are banning campus cellphone use, and the U.S. surgeon general is discussing warning labels on social media apps.
The more we model positive behavior, the better. Human interaction with the people around us is the most important interaction there is. Spending time and talking with students, family and friends is the stuff of life and what makes it worthwhile and purposeful.
To that end, I want to focus on why and how we can keep our cellphone use under control, both for our sanity and to set an excellent example for our children. Much is written on the subject, but I want to focus on a few ways we could all change our behavior.
CHANGES WE CAN MAKE
In social circumstances, the new rule is to put your phone away! Turn it off and put it out of sight. When you are out to dinner with family and friends, put your phone away. Same for business meals — just do it. Phones out is just rude. A story published in March by California State University, East Bay, “Yes, it’s rude to have your cell phone out at dinner — and more etiquette rules you might be breaking,” could not be clearer:
“No phones on the table. They should be turned off or silenced. If you need to field a call or text, excuse yourself from the table and go to a location away from the dining area. Remember, if your phone is out, this indicates that it is more important than the person(s) you are dining with. This is not a message you want to communicate.”
By the way, beyond being bad manners, Time magazine reported in 2017 that “Your Cellphone Is 10 Times Dirtier Than a Toilet Seat.” Sorry about that. In 2020, research published in the peer-reviewed journal Frontiers in Psychology found that having phones at the table might even increase people’s caloric intake.
So put your phones away when you are out with others, especially at meals. And don’t even talk to me about wearing headphones or earbuds to meetings or gatherings. They kill conversations before they even start!
Back to the topic of cellphones and business etiquette, a Forbes article from 2014 argued that phones and meetings don’t mix, citing research from 2001 by the American Psychological Association that found “when people switch back and forth between tasks, they lose up to 50 percent of their efficiency and accuracy.” So phones at meetings are not only rude, they also reduce efficiency and productivity. They might even make you mess up!
Forbes suggests ways to prevent this from occurring, starting with establishing ground rules before the meeting begins or checking devices at the door. During business seminar field trips with students, my colleagues and I noticed policies requiring cellphones to be checked in outside meeting rooms, some with a promise that the phones would be answered and attendees notified of emergency calls.
Forbes cited another survey by the corporate training company VitalSmarts that found “89 percent of participants said that insensitive use of technology had negatively affected their personal relationships. Further, nine out of 10 respondents said that at least once a week their friends or family members stopped paying attention to them in order to check in on their devices.”
I strongly suggested earlier that as educators, leaders and parents, we should model appropriate use of phones and other technology and not put it above human interaction. Forbes cited another study from the journal Business Communication Quarterly showing that “people are especially bothered by managers who answer phone calls during meetings.” Customers report the same thing! (And the same could be said for students and educators.) If you’re talking to a student, customer or client, it is because they have an important problem to which you probably have an important solution. Taking or making a call makes them, and their problem, less important. It’s rude and bad manners! In an educational setting, it can destroy the student’s trust in the educator.
Limiting the use of phones and other technology not only sets a good example for our children and our students, it turns out to be a good idea all the way around. Pay attention to the people you are with, not your devices! It sets a good example for our children and students, and it is good for learning — and for business!
